Within each of us is a soul of vast, unlimited awareness and potential and we are its caretaker. 

Humbly, sadly, without expectations, look within at that vastness.  All our fears and desires of who we are and want to be, they are so small in comparison to it. 

Are we afraid of claiming it because we think it will make us great? Are we afraid it will make us into something glorious and immodest?  But what is the greatest thing you could conceive to be as a human?  What do you think it will make you - all knowing, guru, leader, ruler, powerful, successful? 

But what is that power compared to the vastness.  More powerful than a star?  More long lived?  What would be greater than the vastness of eternity?

Humbly, carefully, with open heart and open mind, invite that wonder to
express itself however it will, and don't be afraid it will be too great.

Open your heart to being part of something greater than you alone need to be.

In the study of Yoga, you eventually encounter the idea of Ahimsa one of the Yamas, or abstentions, outlined by Patanjali in his yoga sutras.

Ahimsa is the concept of non-harming.  It suggests that we should go through the world attempting to cause as little harm as possible.  This is a wonderful concept which I like a lot.  Inevitably, though, it seems, any discussion I've gotten into about ahimsa eventually digresses to a conversation about bugs and about not killing them.

I've always struggled with this.

I've learned to respect many bugs: our clever pollinators without which we would all slowly starve, the lovely spiders who do are dirty work and kill all the other bugs for us, and the lovely delicate friendly bugs like lady bugs, preying mantises and butterflies which one cannot help but love.

Still I find them challenging.  As much as I appreciate them in my garden, I don't appreciate bugs in my house.  I ponder the conflict between the discipline of ahimsa and the discipline of cleanliness and purity every time I send a bug found in my bathroom or kitchen to its demise.

When my house is overrun by ants, I long ago abandoned friendly alternatives to killing them such as asking them politely to leave, offering them food outside (just leads to more ants), or laying down peppermint extract and resorted to spraying my house with serious chemicals.

Still I feel this internal conflict, like maybe there is a better way to handle things, that there is someway in which I could not cause such suffering in my fellow creatures. 

I figured this was my own neurotic burden to bear until I heard this poem and realized I was not alone.  This poem so epitomized my own internal conflict that I wanted to share it with you all.

Vacuuming Spiders

I admire their geometrical patience,
the tidy way they wrap up leftovers,
their willingness to be the earth's
most diligent consumers of small bitternesses.

Sometimes at night I hear them
casting silk threads, clicking their spinnerets,
plucking their webs like blind Irish harpists.
I can almost taste the fruit of the fly
like sucking the pulp from a grape.

But when their webs on the ceiling
begin to converge, and the floor
glitters with shards of insect wings
I drag out the vacuum
and poke its terrible snout under the sofa,
behind the radio-everywhere,

for this is the home of a human being
and I must act like one
or the whole picture goes haywire.
 
-  Charles Goodrich

I originally wanted to title this "How to give yourself Post Traumatic Stress Disorder", but I didn't want to dismiss this amazing exploration of Trauma, how trauma arises, and what it teaches us.  An artist, Wafaa Bilal, created a 31 day exhibit where he locked himself in a room, set up a web cam site, and allowed anyone with a mouse to shoot him with a paintball gun.

As someone who has spent a lot of time trying to recover from PTSD, my first reaction was to be slightly horrified that anyone would intentionally do this to himself.  But then I realized how much we could learn from what is indeed a work of art. 

Bilal's project coveys something which would take me weeks of typing to express if I could do it this well at all. 

Firstly about how trauma arises.  (e.g. getting shot at nonstop and with no predictability for an extended time.  Check out the YouTube video on the Weekend America page if you want to see what this looks like.)

Secondly about the impact trauma has on someone psyche.  (e.g. reliving of past trauma, inability to return to normal life after the trauma, inability to sleep, nightmares, being always on the look out for danger even though it has past, a feeling of disconnection from current life.)

And Thirdly, is anyone prepared to deal with the after effects of the Iraqi War either on the Iraqi people or the soldiers who are over there "when the guns stop".

Link to the weekend America website where you can listen to the program and see video of the project:

http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/programs/2007/06/30/reflections_on_a_vio.html

(On a technical note, I had challenges with the Real Audio, hopefully you'll do better.  An alternative is to get the full show, the story starts at 8:08.  Access full show: APM_11630356.mp3 or get postcast at http://weekendamerica.publicradio.org/rss/podcast/podcast.xml.)